


Three Shows That Never Happened to Tanner Foust (and One That Never Happened to Rutledge Wood)

by misura



Category: Top Gear (US) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-22
Updated: 2012-12-22
Packaged: 2017-11-22 00:21:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/603717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"Seriously? </i>That's<i> what you're flying?"</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Shows That Never Happened to Tanner Foust (and One That Never Happened to Rutledge Wood)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dracothelizard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dracothelizard/gifts).



> where 'shows' is to be interpreted broadly, of course.

.01 _the one where he went to wizarding school and Adam was his rival_

"Seriously? _That's_ what you're flying?"

"It handles surprisingly well, weighs in just under three pounds. Underneath the branches, it packs a whopping 300 horsepower and it goes from zero to sixty in just under three seconds." No need to add that was only when he went vertical.

"Show-off."

"I'm just saying. You guys are toast."

"Yeah, so the part they haven't explained to you yet? It's not a race. It's a team sport. Kind of like basketball."

"... I'm still going to beat you."

 

.02 _the one where he traveled through time and Rutledge was a dalek_

"So what does the future of cars look like?" Adam asked. Against all odds, he had turned out to be a fairly solid Companion - and Tanner could practically _hear_ the fangirlish squeals whenever they came within touching distance. Or, you know, just said 'good morning' to each other from opposite sides of the room.

"It's okay." The TARDIS was ... not a car. More like a time machine, which possibly might be because it _was_ a time machine, but still. Tanner would have prefered to _drive_ through time, rather than do whatever it was the TARDIS did. "I haven't really gotten the chance to check it out."

"Oh," Adam said. "Right. I was thinking I'd just come on board at a bad moment or something."

"Nope, it's pretty much like that all the time."

"Oh," Adam said, again. "So what happened to the last ... guy? Who did what I do?"

"Don't ask," Tanner said. "And pray we never meet him."

"He's alive, then."

"Kind of."

 

[meanwhile, elsewhere]

"JUBILATE! JUBILATE! Come on, you guys, it's Christmas! Enough with the 'exterminate', already. How about some nice carols, huh?"

 

.03 _the one where he ~~hunted monsters~~ went on a road trip and Adam was his cousin_

"Look at it this way," Adam said. "At least you get to drive a car."

"Did you see the teeth on that thing?" Tanner asked, because he had, thank you very much.

Adam sighed. "Hey, we got it, right? Nobody got their faces eaten, nobody got their soul dragged off to hell - what are you whining about? Just think of it as an extra exciting road trip."

"You're a comedian. I'm a race car driver. In what _universe_ do you think we, quote, 'got this'? And anyway, road trips are going somewhere. What's our destination?"

"Well, I guess ultimately, we'll either end up in heaven or in hell," Adam said, and then, because he was apparently developing some sort of sixth sense for when Tanner wanted to throttle him: "Just kidding. How about New York?"

Tanner stopped the car and got out the map. "Two hours to get to an air port. All right. Let's do this."

"Given that this is a Chevy Impala, better make that three," Adam said. "And for the record, you're a chicken."

"Yeah, yeah," Tanner said, even though it did sting a bit. Still, better a living chicken on earth than a doomed soul in hell ... or something like that.

"And also, you know, if not us, then who?"

"Someone else," Tanner said. " _Anyone_ else. Remember those two brothers we met way back when? They seemed to know what they were doing."

"Well, they had an angel. Bet we'd look like we knew what we were doing, too, if we had one of those."

Which was, of course, when Rutledge appeared on the backseat.

"Can I at least get a faster car?" Tanner asked.

 

.01 _the one where Rutledge was James Bond_

"No, you're not," Tanner said. "You're American. James Bond is British. Everybody knows this."

"Plus," Adam said, "you drive a station wagon. You think Bond would drive a station wagon?"

"Guys - that's the genius of it, see? Nobody suspects a bearded, slightly fat guy to be a British secret agent. They just look at me and go, 'oh, that's just Rutledge Wood. he's harmless'. And then, bam! One vodka martini, baby, shaken, not stirred. On their asses."

"Did you just call yourself fat? Did he just call himself fat?"

"He totally did."

"Guys, I think you're missing the point here."

**Author's Note:**

> shows/movies referenced (in order):
> 
> Harry Potter  
> Doctor Who  
> Supernatural  
> James Bond
> 
> and er, sorry about making Rutledge a Dalek. It just happened.


End file.
